


jugheads passage

by seinfeld and sons (zero)



Series: Jafar Wars Legends [2]
Category: Riverdale - Fandom, Seinfeld
Genre: crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 18:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15102230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zero/pseuds/seinfeld%20and%20sons
Summary: jugheads journey to find his long lost father





	jugheads passage

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to john keogh

jughead smiled sadly looking out on the lake, his knapsack and bindle hoisted behind him. where he was going, he didnt need friends. it was a cold, cruel world out there. he was out on the open road at last, ready to seek his fortune. and fortune he sought. over the coming weeks he would experience a cruel, nightmarish side of the world he never saw in the cloister of trials at riverdale. he was seeking something in the mist of the american bible belt. he had chance encounters with preachers, junkies, prostitutes, 4chan vermin and techies and trekkies and stoners and furries and freaks. they all, more or less, taught him something about himself. in the end, isnt that why were here on earth? but something was always missing. something in the irony and the smoke. so he wound his way north, the way heroes go... the big apple. he found himself sleeping under a bridge with the trolls in jersey.

his bunkmate, a man who murdered his mother with a hook, a hook that was his hand, and went on to slaughter ten or twenty cherry campers up at camp wakonda, south of the big city, up in the hinterlands, o appalachia. they discussed politics and why jughead was skirting the passage of nihilism. then his fair weather friend started in

the hook: jughead, its been quite a ride, but ill tell you something. you remind me of a man i once knew. you have his eyes, his face, his beastly appetite.  
jughead: who was this horrible man?  
the hook: ...Cosmo Kramer...

jughead calls on the old digs in new york, and finds his father, Kramer. kramers eyes are sunken with the passage of time, and his knees are bloated, and his hair is white. he is ready for a relationship with his estranged son, at long last.

weeks later  
kramer: my son... my sweet summer child... did you know, that i was almost, a lawyer?  
jughead: dont give me that tripe, old man. weve discussed this many times  
kramer: very well. i might as well spill the beans on the family secrets. for one thing, we all have monkey fingers, double joints, and as you get older, you might feel a strange, erotic energy flowing through you. the kavorka... the lure of the animal. we are also naturally gifted at electric guitar

kramer busts out the fender and plays jughead a long meandering couple of licks. jughead finds himself in his minds eye wandering the desert, plundered by inquisitors and satan. jughead reaches within himself, and meditates. his brain feels like it is being picked clean by maggots, because that is the song kramer plays

funkadelic - maggot brain

jughead: i saw... in the distance... a great, shadowy light. the shadow of the turning. i wanted to become one with it, but i turned away... powerless to attain unity. dad... i love you dad!  
kramer: giddyup


End file.
